Depression and Weight – the Conflicted Couple

One of the symptoms of depression can either be weight loss or weight gain. Especially if one’s on medication, there tends to be a side-effect that can make a person gain weight. For the first time in my life, I’m actually having to worry about my weight, ever since I’ve started medications.

Prior to my hospitalization last year, my weight had a tendency to fluctuate and it ultimately had me lose a considerable amount around the time my depressive state crashed. Being the 5’7, 120 – 125 lb woman that, despite to have been self conscious about weight, now it’s becoming more like a previous life where I held an ‘idealistic’ weight. By the time I was hospitalized, I was 115 lb. Now I’m around 145 – 150 lb, at least, which is considered as borderline fat. Not obese, but still something that is quite noticeable if one has seen me after being hospitalized.

Why am I obsessing over it? Could it have went as far back as my early childhood when I was so self-conscious of eating in the presence of others that I didn’t want to appear like I’ve ate too much? Or not counting my blessings enough to have had a fast metabolism which is now going into a crash which has to be moderated? Hearing both sides of “not to worry too much about it” and “have something done now so that you’d save the trouble” really does not help when my frame of mind is fragile and skewed due to the long history of low self-esteem. What if I wake up one day in a severe depressed state, weighing 300+ pounds and not finding the energy to have something going while having the house stench of cat piss and dirty clothes? (Not that the latter is an apparent issue. Not yet, anyway.)

Sometimes I’d ask myself “Are the medications worth the effects?” While still having off days where I wouldn’t want to move from the bed, is it worth having the risk of chancing the mental state and the metabolism go haywire all because of a series of lazy days? Looks like the obsession over weight is not going to end anytime soon.


[Politics] Brexit Aftermath and Ireland’s Vote on Reunification.

Yesterday was the day of the Beginning of Brexit that was brought on by its impact of votes as of June of 2016 as to whether the UK (pertaining to Britain, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland) to stay or depart from the European Union. During that time period, there’s been heated discussion and opinions expressed as to whether Scotland will gain independence from the UK and Northern Ireland will join the Republic of Ireland. As the article states, the Republic of Ireland voted 63% in favor of reunification while Northern Ireland voted 22%; however, given that Northern Ireland has an overwhelmingly majority of wanting to remain in the EU as well as Scotland, this could be the turning point which Scotland and divided Ireland must compromise their settlement differences and focus primarily on the economic and travel permits that the EU previously provided for them.

According to Sinn Féin, the Irish nationalist party in the Republic of Ireland, Brexit is the ultimate turning point that surpasses the Good Friday Agreement in order to persuade the North’s majority vote on joining the nationalist party now that the Union party no longer holds the majority of N.Ireland’s vote. It is a matter of time, hypothesizing within the twenty-first century of our lifetime before reunification is ensured and exercised within the Good Friday Agreement settlement. The British would be left to blame for denouncing Dublin’s government, according to the Sinn Féin government.

What are your opinions on this? How has the departure of the EU personally affect you?

The Two-Sided Coin of Depression

One of the leading causes of illness and death, depression is yet to be understood by a good percentage of the general population and doctors even among the first world. Depression tends to be associated with “constant sadness” and a switch that is set off at any given time-frame of the sufferer’s day-to-day living. Whether if it’s due to a chemical imbalance or as the result of a life-altering loss, it’s something that needs to be fixed and done away with when it is possible.

Famous poet Emily Dickinson’s It was not death, for I stood up and Ernest Hemingway’s short stories such as A Clean, Well-Lighted Place give a brief and raw literary version as to how depression can be explained through the reader. If looking a little further, Edgar Allen Poe’s The House of Usher resembles much of the effects of mental illness that demise the house of Usher as the result. When left in the major depressive state long enough and often correlating with a disease or ailment, it resembles the writer’s literal demise, be it through genetic illness, addiction and/or suicide, hence giving depression the correlation of such high death rates recorded.

While the tragic loss is found deeply within the sufferer, there comes the Two-Sided Coin of Depression that many may not realize while witnessing an episodic state. Having to been hospitalized in late April of 2016 for Major Depressive Disorder, that episode brought on life’s darkest moments as well as periodic revelations that would not have been encountered otherwise. It does not take the depression away, but it definitely gives greater empathy and understanding to the point that we need to be guided for solutions. It is, however, going to be hard for various factors involving the individual case and collective data that makes treatment effective.

While psychological advancements are better than they were 20 – 50 years ago, I believe that we’re in a time that a revolution of psychological and biological (also known as biopsychological) factors can weigh the greater effects of outcome that would not have been possible if we do not make the correlation that make up as who we are. Depression, which is evenly distributed among the population, is no more or less a biological mechanism when the organism’s living standards bring on daily gains and losses. However, because of the differences in socioeconomic standards, there tends to be a debatable discussion in terms of mental health and causation of events that can “activate” the depression itself.

This is where I have hope as we enter the chapters of self as well as collective studies that can make psychological advances as relevant as biological advances. By making it more public and less taboo among areas most prevalent, it will change persons and societies to make standards higher and enhanced psychological improvements beyond our biological uptake. It will take long before true collective progress is made, but so long as we keep information prevalent, it will one day be plausible. I personally have hope and aspire to shed some of that hope any time possible.

The Road to Nowhere

We all have been there at some point in our lives. For some it happens as a midlife crisis; it can be the result of reflection among the elders and their decisions and purpose leading up to their privilege of old age that can give fulfillment or regret; unfortunately, it is becoming increasingly common among young adults – the prime age that was once pursued to marriage and fertility. Life at this stage is where it is really going to start, as it is said. Higher education giving the proposal to a defined life; the isle where the degree conceals the path that they vowed at the altar; then there’s the debt that results from the nourished yet frailly thin child, the degree. Few marriages end as prosperous and financially sound while others continue the cycle of poverty. By the time the young adult stage is over, mid-age is when the real financial burden of children has to be decided, and even by then it may be too late.

For some of the young adults, this path is cut short or barely given a chance at all. In a society that relies heavily on a piece of paper even for the most basic of jobs, it is no wonder that many who graduate remain unemployed. The promise to success that millennials have been taught early on become broken by life’s harsh judgments, inadequate skill building and economic strife that can thrive off of such. Without that piece of paper, we are determined as nothing. Even with that piece of paper, we have to keep feeding it and watch it grow by the amount that is piled on to pay off later, only to determine as to whether this being will live to contribute back or die. It’s a battle that is endlessly fought in the name of progression and identity all around. The expectations of old and modern standards make it all the more harder.

Being stuck at the crossroads of school and job searching, there comes a time where it is wondered if I should keep going or to essentially give up, as many of my slightly older peers have. Do I want to spend a life where I’m striving for an identity of climbing up the latter in a career that may not be as beneficial for me, or have children and sacrifice time and money by scrapping the bottom of the barrels? It’s not like my eggs could be incubated and aging process can be stopped (not that I’d want it if and when they have that access anyway.) Even the thought of becoming someone such as a housewife is becoming unfathomable because of how our economy is dependent either way. Whose truly to blame for all of it?


So, where am I going? The Road to Nowhere as many others have headed? Or, as they say, where have all the good scholars (or men?) gone to guide us?