How much do we take the criticism of others and apply it to our own self-criticism? Is the criticism of ourselves a product of societal standards or does the societal standards reflect upon our own critics that determine what is acceptable or not?
It tends to start from early childhood when we start to grasp the concept of morality and consequences that affect the stimulus as to what we gain or lose from the actions we output to the world around us. Peer pressure becomes crucial in normal development and it is mandatory within the working world in order to make our living. How far does the boundary set between putting an acceptable persona in how we act and how we view ourselves in terms of body image, self-esteem and overall mental health? How much do we sacrifice in order to compromise what we want and what we need to be?
Remembering events such as when I was twelve and invited to a sleepover that a supposed-friend set up with another friend and remembering how much I “stood out” socially as well as physically, to remembering the freshmen year of high school where I spent after school in the girls bathroom waiting for others to leave so that I wouldn’t have to face the judgments of other people while grabbing the stuff needed to go home from my locker, are a few prime examples as to when I was exposed to the gruesome reality of expectation and criticism. More recently, having to confront family members asking what I’m doing with my life while withdrawing from old connections as they moved on to graduate and obtain their associate’s and bachelor’s; meanwhile confining myself taking a few classes per semester in hopes to obtain an associate’s or transferring to a four-year college as I seek help for mental health concerns that I’ve recently decided to [some cases inevitably] come out towards. Hence, the side effects of depression and weight start to come in as warmer weather is heading around the corner and I’m hoping to overcome the obstacle of staying outdoors more often and for longer periods of time. Unemployment? Further confirming to relatives assumptions and dismissal of former-friends as well as professional’s expectations. Is it any wonder that my depression tends to flare up at times? Is it the causation or correlation to my apparent circumstances that essentially is seen as the bottom of the barrel in society?
Is it worth to put any expectations among the actions I take, now that inevitably going towards the stage of the saying “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks,” to trying to find what “hidden capabilities” I have in order to attempt at finding new and alternative paths to take with my life now that I can find the opportunity in amidst of the unknown? How much of the “expectations” (or assumptions, whichever way it is put) are to blame for much of my life as well as anybody’s life that give criticism to how much our lives are worth and the self-importance we try to maintain in order to give our life some meaning? Some try to say that there’s a “bigger picture” to the choices we make and sometimes we have to seek them through in order to understand. I’m not sure if I’m at that stage as of yet in order to find true self-constructive criticism and acceptance that may have been long needed in order to help find that direction in life.