Sweet Dreams Are Made of These…?

Here I am to disagree.

Lately I’ve been having brief dreams pertaining to my past in terms of people and events as well as dreams having to do with everyday events. Many of them are insignificant while others seem to give reminders as to why anxiety tends to sink in. For example, I have a cat that most likely has cancer and tumors were spotted within his ear as a foul odor is given off as one of the symptoms. I dream about my cat having an illness and having no other choice than to be put down despite them looking healthy (which is the case and an inevitable most likely going to happen.) Others where I see people who I’ve interacted with in the past and it’s as if they’re only there for a second and I needed to conjure up a reason that I’m needing them to be there and owe an explanation as to why they’re no longer in my life. The most impacted of what is considered a nightmare…losing my home, my parents (which has been frequent, seeing as I’m getting older and given the circumstances I shouldn’t be having), and, though I never experienced it, being sexually assaulted. Is this some sort of side effect of my medication that is giving me anxiety during sleep or is there something within my subconscious that is being suppressed by everyday events that cause the fear?

It’s as if within my waking state that something is going to ‘set off’ at anytime and that my mind is a ticking time bomb. Maybe that’s part of the reason I’m having so many writer’s block and not reaching the potential I could while practicing my writing. Maybe that’s why I haven’t been feeling like I’ve had a good night’s rest in a while. I truly don’t know if it’s because I’m used to having some event happen shortly after being stable that it’s ingrained within me to expect for the worst at any point. It’s as if I can never have a true break between circumstantial events as well as my psychological well being. It has to be one or the other. It never ends.


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