[Politics] RE: GOP rep.: I’m ashamed of government

Rep. Adam Kinzinger (R-IL) condemned the government’s response to the Syria’s alleged use of chemical weapons. from CNN.com – RSS Channel – HP Hero http://www.cnn.com/videos/politics/2017/04/05/adam-kinzinger-ashamed-of-government-on-syria-actions-sot-newday.cnn via CNN

via GOP rep.: I’m ashamed of government — The Topic Assortment


Casualties rise to 106 – including 20 children – according to The Syrian Observatory For Human Rights (SOHR), at least in the massacre of Khan Shaykhun.


I may have a learning disability, but I am not feeble-minded…

This is a subject that, despite having years to have lived with it and being able to overcome some barriers pertaining to such obstacles, lays a soft and vulnerable spot within me that at times feels like ripping off a scab on a healing wound over again. I’m writing this in the hopes of finding posts and blogs relating to my topic as well as helping those with similar problems find light within their own learning barriers, hence I write about mental health issues.

At the age of three – four-years-old, I was evaluated by school psychologists because I “displayed similar symptoms that her older brother with autism has.” — Another words, one day while my family, including myself, went to see how my brother interacted in his special education class with his peers and studying what he was capable of comprehending, I too was being watched right alongside of him. “She walks on her tip-toes and seems very distant when being talked to,” one school psychologist puts it to my mother as the reason that I should be given an evaluation. Coming from a long line of authoritative figures knowing what’s best for their child, that was the next thing my mother did.

I didn’t develop in the same stage and criteria as those among my peers were at; I was painfully and unreasonably shy to the point of being mute in front of those whom I didn’t know; it took several times being told to do certain tasks that I’d follow through with them by the very same figures I was mute towards; and, among other daily tasks, it took longer than average to develop cognitively that correlated well with the shyness in order to be assumed that I should have been evaluated for autism spectrum disorder (ASD). While not comprehending fully as to why I was being evaluated, the reason for evaluation itself gave a complex deep within that made me more self-conscious than the average five-year-old should have been in a small classroom. There have been distant memories that I swore had made me a bit late in other aspects, such as reading and writing, though my mother insists that it wasn’t the case. So it led to the result of landing in many years’ worth of the public school special education system.

As the years progressed, there were advantages as well as downfalls that didn’t let me advance to the regular coursework that most of my friends were able to do throughout the school day. I was in the regular classroom along with a selected few who had a teacher’s aide assist and water down the work so that we were able to better understand what was taught. An IEP was set up and it wasn’t until the middle of high school that my buttons were pushed to the point I landed in inclusion classes – the next to last of actual special education and on the edge of being equivalent to a dropout, which almost happened within my senior year. Was it because I, according to the education system, held a lower IQ than most peers that led me to nearly dropping out while in those classes? Or did my ‘angst’ teenage depression play a role that made me have zilch motivation and fail courses carelessly, as that never happened until I reached the stage I couldn’t keep track as to what day it was? The best way to describe that period of time was a consistent fog. Nothing mattered and suicide was at the tip of the iceberg that I was finding myself stranded upon. From the earliest suicide attempt at the ripe age of twelve, that’s when my journey of the invisible and unexplained disability began; the disability that, ironically enough, was kept from my professors and psychologist long until I’ve ended up in the psych ward and gave brief descriptions of events that couldn’t pinpoint the ruthless and never-ending depression itself.

It took me a few years after high school to “shape up” and decide as to what I want to do for the rest of my life – which, of course, is yet to be determined to this day. Only a selective few know where they are really going with their life on a day-to-day basis, right? What has changed is the sense of living within the moment that seemed like I was in the middle of a haze and that it wouldn’t have mattered if I were to be around to contribute to the burdens of my loved ones by simply being visible and witnessing that spiritual demise. The sense of motivation has started to kick in while there are still days where I want nothing more to lay on the bed and stare into space and time. This goes to say that, yes, circumstances can change the destiny of the person when given the material to enhance with the problem itself; it can never alter the barriers that make the person choose the destiny they desire without paying the excruciating price that can mentally, emotionally and at times physically pain the individual.

Because of the traditional label of “the feeble brain” that still remains within the education system as well as societal taboos despite the Disabilities Act and laws to not discriminate within the workforce, is it any wonder why some individuals give up before their lives begin and henceforth are subliminally labeled as a lost cause? As a latter question, does the No Child Left Behind do anything to help academically disadvantaged students, or further oust them from the society they are conditioned in? These are questions I will spend my life trying to find the answer so that future generations will not have to endure the humiliation and low-quality that, in the end, makes education itself not worth pursuing for a good handful of potentials not confined to the narrow path of standardized testing.

What I’ve learned while labeled as a Learning Disabled is that it isn’t the learning disability itself that barricaded my access to a higher education, but the mental health conditions often associated that give as a reactionary life-altering decision of giving up. When a system identifies the root problem and ignores the side effects because “it is too much dedication and work” for every individual case, that is a system that needs to be questioned and uprooted just as one should when a person experiences a lifetime physical illness and finds treatment to uplift the symptoms of that illness and overall improved quality of life.

Unfortunately, even many within the mental health profession tend to dismiss the individual and rather associate with their cognitive and psychological weaknesses as their overall confinement, which I will get into further detail in one of my future blogs. This type of toxicity within the field needs to be outdated so that society can produce many more proactive and able-bodied citizens and narrow the gap of those with “invisible disabilities” as well as physical ones. If accommodation comes without further expectation of the person finding their strong suits and capabilities, what betterment does it do than those without the access of accommodation in the first place?

I may have a learning disability, but I am not feeble-minded as it once was labeled within the late nineteenth century.

Existential Crises and Millennial Shortcomings

As one can see briefly from The Road to Nowhere blog, it can fairly say that it potentially sums up the fact that millennial unemployment rate is staggering at 12.8%, a study finds; of course, as I’ve stated, once an age where able-bodied workers and family starters were once around the ages of 18-29, which is now a far cry with many still staying at home such as myself. It doesn’t stop from there – I don’t even have a degree to back up my time in “bettering myself,” or any certification for any potential work, which the latter was my original intent before pursuing a degree. Of course, my counselor sees nothing wrong of the fact that I’ve obtained nothing while trying to pursue the most basic of jobs “because I’m young.” I’m young, but the time that’s being wasted with little to nowhere to go is only going to waste more of my time until I’m not so young anymore. Which leads up to my other concerns.

If I don’t start a family of my own, I don’t really know what I’ll be doing. I can’t be alone for the rest of my life due to anxiety issues which ironically tends to get worse if I’m alone for certain tasks. God knows that I do not want to end up in the asylum home or into housing, either. I can’t help but to worry about that future at this point. I have no siblings to rely on since my older brother has low-functioning autism and in a group home, which one day I will be in control as his guardian. I don’t even think I can do that if I cannot provide for myself at this point.

But, again, where do I go when I’m at a dead end and it boils down to dismissal as one simply would not want to hear such petty excuses? I would love to help in return and sincerely wish at times I did live in a generation where relying on your neighbors for the most basic of things is essential. Now? It’s about who keeps to themselves, file restraining orders when [inevitable] problems rise (which we have had to do) and extended family wants nothing to do with you so in return one disbands them. That means nobody to send occasionally cards to, no phone contact or invitation of gatherings for any occasion, no basic human contact unless I’m willing to take the extra mile with outsiders; even then I know that they wouldn’t provide the same support in any shape or form, as selfish as that is. But, honestly, who is a saint and does things for others without expectation anyway? No need to cast stones while being impure.

No, it’s not as simple as people try making such “crappy generation.” I want somewhere I can belong and make life a little less anxiety-ridden. I want to belong. I want to make something out of my life. I need the drive and the opportunity for the motive. Is that too much to ask for while being carelessly dismissed?

Depression and Weight – the Conflicted Couple

One of the symptoms of depression can either be weight loss or weight gain. Especially if one’s on medication, there tends to be a side-effect that can make a person gain weight. For the first time in my life, I’m actually having to worry about my weight, ever since I’ve started medications.

Prior to my hospitalization last year, my weight had a tendency to fluctuate and it ultimately had me lose a considerable amount around the time my depressive state crashed. Being the 5’7, 120 – 125 lb woman that, despite to have been self conscious about weight, now it’s becoming more like a previous life where I held an ‘idealistic’ weight. By the time I was hospitalized, I was 115 lb. Now I’m around 145 – 150 lb, at least, which is considered as borderline fat. Not obese, but still something that is quite noticeable if one has seen me after being hospitalized.

Why am I obsessing over it? Could it have went as far back as my early childhood when I was so self-conscious of eating in the presence of others that I didn’t want to appear like I’ve ate too much? Or not counting my blessings enough to have had a fast metabolism which is now going into a crash which has to be moderated? Hearing both sides of “not to worry too much about it” and “have something done now so that you’d save the trouble” really does not help when my frame of mind is fragile and skewed due to the long history of low self-esteem. What if I wake up one day in a severe depressed state, weighing 300+ pounds and not finding the energy to have something going while having the house stench of cat piss and dirty clothes? (Not that the latter is an apparent issue. Not yet, anyway.)

Sometimes I’d ask myself “Are the medications worth the effects?” While still having off days where I wouldn’t want to move from the bed, is it worth having the risk of chancing the mental state and the metabolism go haywire all because of a series of lazy days? Looks like the obsession over weight is not going to end anytime soon.

[Politics] Brexit Aftermath and Ireland’s Vote on Reunification.

Yesterday was the day of the Beginning of Brexit that was brought on by its impact of votes as of June of 2016 as to whether the UK (pertaining to Britain, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland) to stay or depart from the European Union. During that time period, there’s been heated discussion and opinions expressed as to whether Scotland will gain independence from the UK and Northern Ireland will join the Republic of Ireland. As the article states, the Republic of Ireland voted 63% in favor of reunification while Northern Ireland voted 22%; however, given that Northern Ireland has an overwhelmingly majority of wanting to remain in the EU as well as Scotland, this could be the turning point which Scotland and divided Ireland must compromise their settlement differences and focus primarily on the economic and travel permits that the EU previously provided for them.

According to Sinn Féin, the Irish nationalist party in the Republic of Ireland, Brexit is the ultimate turning point that surpasses the Good Friday Agreement in order to persuade the North’s majority vote on joining the nationalist party now that the Union party no longer holds the majority of N.Ireland’s vote. It is a matter of time, hypothesizing within the twenty-first century of our lifetime before reunification is ensured and exercised within the Good Friday Agreement settlement. The British would be left to blame for denouncing Dublin’s government, according to the Sinn Féin government.

What are your opinions on this? How has the departure of the EU personally affect you?

The Two-Sided Coin of Depression

One of the leading causes of illness and death, depression is yet to be understood by a good percentage of the general population and doctors even among the first world. Depression tends to be associated with “constant sadness” and a switch that is set off at any given time-frame of the sufferer’s day-to-day living. Whether if it’s due to a chemical imbalance or as the result of a life-altering loss, it’s something that needs to be fixed and done away with when it is possible.

Famous poet Emily Dickinson’s It was not death, for I stood up and Ernest Hemingway’s short stories such as A Clean, Well-Lighted Place give a brief and raw literary version as to how depression can be explained through the reader. If looking a little further, Edgar Allen Poe’s The House of Usher resembles much of the effects of mental illness that demise the house of Usher as the result. When left in the major depressive state long enough and often correlating with a disease or ailment, it resembles the writer’s literal demise, be it through genetic illness, addiction and/or suicide, hence giving depression the correlation of such high death rates recorded.

While the tragic loss is found deeply within the sufferer, there comes the Two-Sided Coin of Depression that many may not realize while witnessing an episodic state. Having to been hospitalized in late April of 2016 for Major Depressive Disorder, that episode brought on life’s darkest moments as well as periodic revelations that would not have been encountered otherwise. It does not take the depression away, but it definitely gives greater empathy and understanding to the point that we need to be guided for solutions. It is, however, going to be hard for various factors involving the individual case and collective data that makes treatment effective.

While psychological advancements are better than they were 20 – 50 years ago, I believe that we’re in a time that a revolution of psychological and biological (also known as biopsychological) factors can weigh the greater effects of outcome that would not have been possible if we do not make the correlation that make up as who we are. Depression, which is evenly distributed among the population, is no more or less a biological mechanism when the organism’s living standards bring on daily gains and losses. However, because of the differences in socioeconomic standards, there tends to be a debatable discussion in terms of mental health and causation of events that can “activate” the depression itself.

This is where I have hope as we enter the chapters of self as well as collective studies that can make psychological advances as relevant as biological advances. By making it more public and less taboo among areas most prevalent, it will change persons and societies to make standards higher and enhanced psychological improvements beyond our biological uptake. It will take long before true collective progress is made, but so long as we keep information prevalent, it will one day be plausible. I personally have hope and aspire to shed some of that hope any time possible.

The Road to Nowhere

We all have been there at some point in our lives. For some it happens as a midlife crisis; it can be the result of reflection among the elders and their decisions and purpose leading up to their privilege of old age that can give fulfillment or regret; unfortunately, it is becoming increasingly common among young adults – the prime age that was once pursued to marriage and fertility. Life at this stage is where it is really going to start, as it is said. Higher education giving the proposal to a defined life; the isle where the degree conceals the path that they vowed at the altar; then there’s the debt that results from the nourished yet frailly thin child, the degree. Few marriages end as prosperous and financially sound while others continue the cycle of poverty. By the time the young adult stage is over, mid-age is when the real financial burden of children has to be decided, and even by then it may be too late.

For some of the young adults, this path is cut short or barely given a chance at all. In a society that relies heavily on a piece of paper even for the most basic of jobs, it is no wonder that many who graduate remain unemployed. The promise to success that millennials have been taught early on become broken by life’s harsh judgments, inadequate skill building and economic strife that can thrive off of such. Without that piece of paper, we are determined as nothing. Even with that piece of paper, we have to keep feeding it and watch it grow by the amount that is piled on to pay off later, only to determine as to whether this being will live to contribute back or die. It’s a battle that is endlessly fought in the name of progression and identity all around. The expectations of old and modern standards make it all the more harder.

Being stuck at the crossroads of school and job searching, there comes a time where it is wondered if I should keep going or to essentially give up, as many of my slightly older peers have. Do I want to spend a life where I’m striving for an identity of climbing up the latter in a career that may not be as beneficial for me, or have children and sacrifice time and money by scrapping the bottom of the barrels? It’s not like my eggs could be incubated and aging process can be stopped (not that I’d want it if and when they have that access anyway.) Even the thought of becoming someone such as a housewife is becoming unfathomable because of how our economy is dependent either way. Whose truly to blame for all of it?


So, where am I going? The Road to Nowhere as many others have headed? Or, as they say, where have all the good scholars (or men?) gone to guide us?